A year in photographs

Exactly two weeks into 2022 and I’m only just sitting down to reflect on the past year. Another 365 days of ‘oddness’, we will call it, life still not fully back to normal, loved ones still being somewhat at arms length, and families still locking down when one by one they dropped like flies with…

Dusting off the pages

The rain is thrashing against the living room window as I’m slumped in a rather awkward position on the sofa yet one which I refuse to admit is uncomfortable. It seems the majority of my ‘sorry I’ve been away for so long’ posts have either been written in or near water, usually a sweaty and…

About time

(Originally posted February 2021) There’s something incredibly unsettling about life during this lockdown, from my experience here in London anyway. The skies are engrossed by a blanket of grey clouds, murky and dark, the days long and heavy. Leaves clutch onto branches, flinching in the wind as they are thrown by its force, shivering in…

Let’s talk about…reconnecting with your sense of self in lockdown

(Originally posted 29th November 2020) It is without a shadow of a doubt that at some point this year we have all experienced loss. Not only the unimaginable pain of losing our loved ones but of employment, and being stripped of our freedom and autonomy. I lost something within me too. A spark. As you’re…

Reality

(Originally posted 16th October 2020) I’m writing to you all from my bath, my fingers gripping the back of my phone in fear of it slipping down and splashing into the tub. I’m not usually a bath person but recently I’ve found them quite therapeutic. I’m lying here in the pitch black, a candle flickering on…

Utopic nonsense

(Originally posted 8th October 2020) It’s been a while since I last found the words to write. When I say a while, one would naturally assume it’s been months when in reality it’s only been twenty-one days. For someone who used to pen several posts a week, sharing her inner-most thoughts, feelings and personal experiences…

Lockdown positives

(Originally posted 17th September 2020) You know what, I’m glad lockdown happened. And here I am, sat in my kitchen eating a fig wishing I was actually drinking a glass of wine, about to divulge why. As I’m writing this I can feel my body naturally swaying itself, gently rocking me to sleep, my eyes…

All lost things drift down to the sea

(Originally posted 10th September 2020) When you’re there, your life literally teetering on the edge, you don’t think about much. The voices in your head go silent, your mind numb, your body still. It’s as though the volume of the world has been turned down, the movement of the environment around you being seen yet…

Light in the dark

(Originally posted 7th September 2020) Some days are heavy, the weight of the world forcibly resting on your shoulders, rendering you physically and emotionally unable to face the world. Many situations may be the origin of this feeling, but it’s important to remember that we all have these days. At the time, it seems as…

Forever and Always

(Originally posted 3rd September 2020) As my Mum and I walked through Richmond Park in June of this year, heading towards our special place on the twentieth anniversary of my Father’s death, Mum gently informed me that this would likely be the last time she visited the park on the anniversary of his passing. I…

Reflections on August

(Originally posted 31st August 2020) This evening I write to you from my living room, rubbing the palms of my hands together, trying desperately to keep them warm. Outside, the leaves are slowly beginning to turn brown, what were once vibrant gardens over the summer months becoming a little sadder, plants drooping with an obvious…

Five minutes

(Originally posted 27th August 2020) As you’re probably aware by now if you have read my previous posts, I do yoga every Thursday evening. The class starts with us lying on our mats, legs straight, arms resting gently on the ground, eyes closed. I breathe in slowly, feeling my lungs expanding, my ribs rising, every…

Life lately │ change

(Originally posted 18th August 2020) I usually shy away from change, my body consumed by fear of facing the unknown, of being carried by the rippling tides of the unfamiliar. I abstain from being my own biggest fan, from filling every inch of my being with the confidence and credit it deserves, of supporting myself,…

Revitalisation

(Originally posted 5th August 2020) It’s been a while since I last put virtual pen to pixelated paper. It hasn’t been a case of being uninspired or too busy, I simply haven’t wanted to. Over the last few weeks I have distanced myself both on and offline for reasons which I will not be delving…

I’m looking at the stars, are you?

If you’re anything like me, the smallest things are the biggest problems. No coffee in the jar? Absolute hell lets loose. Dad used your car instead of his? How could someone be so inconsiderate as to assume that you won’t need it in the middle of a pandemic whereby you can’t really go anywhere anyway….

Kindness In A Seemingly Bitter World

I’m currently sitting cross legged on the sofa, my laptop perched precariously on my knees, wobbling as my fingers frantically fly across the keyboard. I’m on my second coffee of the day and my heart is racing from the caffeine rush, a reminder to invest in decaf. During my run last night it dawned on…

The London Diaries: An Ode to the North

Earlier this year I curated a series on my blog entitled ‘The Home Diaries’ whereby I aspired to document what was at the time my imminent move to the North. I began the series (now archived) by describing my reasonings for uprooting from my family home in London, seeing me start the next chapter of…

Book Review: The Flatshare

I’m usually quite apprehensive about reading a book that has been spoken about so often in fear that it won’t live up to my expectations based on the thoughts of others but having read The Flatshare, I’m pleased to say I was so incredibly surprised. I debated whether to listen to the audio version of…

Let’s Talk About…Sex

There’s nothing quite like the act of making love, vastly different to that of a ‘quick shag’, ‘fuck’, ‘bang’ or whatever undesirable terminology one wishes to use when referring to sexual intercourse. Sex, in all aspects of the term, is inherently intimate, the closest you can possibly be to another. When carried out with consent…

Let’s Talk About…Periods

“Painters and decorators” is how my dad recently referred to today’s topic for Let’s Talk About, a sign that a lot of people would rather refer to periods by any means other than for what they’re worth. Periods are unfortunately considered to be an uncomfortable topic and so in honour of the foundations of my…

My Dad: the best form of recycling

Many years ago, I stood next to my Dad in the entrance of his classic car workshop as we watched a regular customer leave the yard. She drew her TR6 up alongside the entrance, paused for a moment in front of us, smiled and commented “your daughter looks just like you Tony”, and drove off….

Soulmates and the pressure of finding “The One”

We’ve all been there, sobbing into our glass of wine whilst curled up on the sofa watching The Notebook, questioning when we’ll ever find our soulmate. Well, lucky enough for all you hopeless (and desperate) romantics worried about such a trivial matter, a psychic artist on Etsy will happily draw your soulmate for $30. But…

Let’s Talk About…Anxiety

*Trigger warning* If you feel that reading this article may cause emotional damage or harm to yourself then please refrain from reading for the sake of your wellbeing and safety. When the government announced towards the end of March that lockdown would be taking place across the entirety of the United Kingdom, I made the…

My 6pm date

I have a confession: I’ve been on 81 dates in the last 3 months, and we haven’t kept to social distancing measures either. Against all rules, they’ve been coming from far and wide. One came all the way from California, barefoot. It transpired that he was actually good for the heart, so I’ve kept it…

This is to you

Hi. It’s me, I’m sorry I haven’t written this sooner, the words just didn’t come to me. They still haven’t to be honest and I’ve begun writing this without any idea of what it is that I actually want to say. It’s 9.02pm on Monday 8th June 2020. Twenty years ago, the three of us…

Let’s Talk About…Tuesday 2nd June 2020

It’s 1.24pm in the afternoon of Wednesday 4th June 2020. I am sitting at my kitchen counter, laptop in front of me, the cold remnants of coffee in a mug to my left, Radio 4 on in the background, the back door open and swaying in the wind. I’ve been staring at my screen for…

Let’s Talk About…Unfollowing

In lieu of last night’s ‘Let’s Talk About’ entry, this is the withdrawn blog. Originally posted Tuesday 19th May 2020. Why would you give a reformed alcoholic a bottle of alcohol as a gift? Common sense says you wouldn’t. So why is it wrong to unfollow an account or subscription if at that moment in…

Let’s Talk About…This

“My concern is to defend language as a means of both naming and comprehending the implications of the experience of what is being done to one, and what one is doing to others” – Arnold Wesker, ‘Words as Definitions of Experience’, 1976. Back in April, I had an idea to begin a series on my…

Lost

I’ve tried to write this post a number of times. I’ve had this weight on my shoulders for a while, the need to write so succinctly and with such clarity in order to do what I have to say justice, but the words never came. This post won’t be my best but it may not…

Freedoms

We’re all born with ties, a twisted rope attached from our tummies to the inside of our mothers, a lifeline. For the nine months spent slowly rotating in the womb, we learn how to reach, stretching and kicking, moving and grasping. It’s a freedom we learn before we have even entered the world. Nine months…

I just wanted to make sure you’re ok

We live in a world so heavily reliant upon technology that it’s a wonder we haven’t by now had chips inserted into our bodies fitted with a button we can press to teleport to our loved ones. Alas, no such miracle exists and instead we resort to Facetime and other forms of instant communication. It’s…

Let’s Talk About…Regret

We’ve all been there, feeling the dark cloud of regret slowly creep its way into our minds, hazing over the lesson just learned and instead hurling you into the depths of deep remorse. No matter the issue, regardless of how big, small, or anything in-between, we’ve all felt the cold grasp of regret. My late…

Let’s Talk About…Body Image and The Pressure to Be Perfect

My aim for the ‘Let’s Talk About’ series was to start a conversation. I wanted to peel back the covers on topics which I feel deserve a greater discussion, to encourage people to be less afraid of speaking openly about them. Perhaps, in some cases I wanted people to be less afraid in general, to…

Let’s Talk About…Death

I have decided to curate a new series on here entitled ‘Let’s Talk About…’ whereby each week I address a specific topic that I feel deserves a bigger narrative in the hope that I am able to start a conversation and people become less blinkered. This week, I’m going to start with death, one of…

An Ebb Week

It’s Saturday 25th April 2020 and I’m currently having a coffee on our Ercol sofa in the living room (imagine me stretched out like the lady of luxury I am not). The sun is flickering through the bay window as the bamboo trees outside blow in the wind. I’ve had a weird week, the first…

The One With Ross’ Tan

“Well, Easter wasn’t quite the one we had planned”, people take to social media and proclaim. I go to say the same but stop myself. Aside from being in lockdown, Easter for my family was everything it usually would have been albeit perhaps minus a family friend or two joining us for dinner. It was…

How I Stopped Being Obsessed With Social Approval and Metrics

How many times have you spent refreshing your instagram waiting for the likes to come flooding in? How many times have you acknowledged a photo because of how many or few likes it has received? How many times have you posted for attention? How many times have you posted for self-gratification? How many times have…

5 Things I’m Grateful For This Week

For today’s post I wanted to deviate from the doom and gloom surrounding you-know-what, and what better way to do that than to reflect on the past week and think of 5 things that I’m grateful for. Time as a family Dad hasn’t been at work for a little over a week now – being…

Intangible

  If you weren’t tuned into the news, if you didn’t receive constant updates on your phone from the BBC or if you didn’t look online, didn’t listen to the radio or read a newspaper, you wouldn’t have a clue what was going on. If you didn’t hear about the growing incidence rate or the…

Lockdown Initial Thoughts

I’ve learned a lot about people over the last two weeks. I’m not referring to me having had more time to sit and talk to people and discover more about their personal history. I’m talking about how people have conveyed themselves on social media, in reports online, and in person. As such, I’ve decided to…

A Delayed Introduction: Hello!

Hi! If you’re new around here or have been lurking in the shadows for a little while then I wanted to touch base and introduce myself properly, to put a face to a name and share a little bit about me before I start producing anymore content. After all, my whole wish for this blog…

That’s All For Now

I’ve been in a bit of a creative rut recently and so have faltered on publishing blog posts. I don’t want to get sucked into writing just any old crap for the sake of saying that I’ve posted something. In light of recent events, I feel there is enough white noise in this world without…

Valentine’s or Just Another Day?

For card manufacturers, jewellers and chocolatiers Valentine’s Day is the most lucrative day of the year after Christmas. But is it really all that it’s hyped up to be? When I was younger I remember the excitement of receiving a valentine’s card with a big ? written on the inside. To be honest, I still…

Post-Uni Limbo

Over the last seven-ish months since graduation I’ve been doing a lot of thinking, notably not much of it has been particularly productive but I’ve been thinking nonetheless. I’ve found myself reflecting upon my time at university and wondering whether any of it was worth its £40k price tag. I’m currently working two jobs, don’t…

New Decade, New Blog

The idea of having a public blog is somewhat nerve wracking and a fear of oversharing has recently emerged within me. This fear stems from having shared so much so publicly about a very temporary phase of my life, having previously written posts about poor bouts of mental health or the spots on my face….